Change

Old friendships die sometimes.
New ones are born.

Children grow up
and leave.
Just like the birds in the nest on my front porch.

The phone rings
and then it doesn't ring anymore.

Stress comes
and stress goes.

You get thicker
and thinner and then thick AGAIN.

Nothing ever stays DONE!

Grama used to say that the only
thing you can count on is change.

And that tomorrow the sun will rise again.

Through it all
you keep breathing.

What matters most

Lately I've noticed that a lot of crappy things happen to really good people. I don't really understand that. People ask me all the time. "Why do I have to suffer?" "I lived a good life." Usually I don't have any kind of answer. Just a selfish thought sometimes that I'm glad it's not me.

I'm beginning to think that there is a reason. Everybody gets to have problems. Some worse than others. I just watched a 46 year old man with a beautiful wife and 5 kids die of throat cancer. He was scared but in the end he made his peace with it and was ok.

Maybe what matters the most is not the challenge. Maybe it is the way you deal with it. Life is a canvas and God hands you the paintbrush. When it's all done what kind of picture will it be?

You can slap the paint on and take the easy road. That never appealed to me. Maybe what matters most is the climb, not the destination.

On Being a Parent

I talked to a man today who I would describe as "the salt of the earth". Simple, kind, has a great testimony, but carries around a lot of guilt. His son died six years ago from a tumor in his pituitary gland. It stunted the boy's growth and created all kinds of problems. He described his son as "childlike". He said that after his son graduated from high school he worked at a local thrift store where he had several different supervisors. Unfortunately, instead of having a great experience, which we all would hope that he would have, he instead, got regularly chewed out for being forgetful and always complaining of having a lot of headaches. His father was called on a regular basis to pick him up and take him home. Eventually the powers that be wouldn't let him work there anymore. His father, being a very kind man, always tried to smooth things over in hopes that they would let his son stay on. However, upon occasion he had to rise up and advocate strongly for his son, much to the chagrin of the establishment. On those occasions, he always made a point of speaking loud enough for his son to hear him. Unfortunately on the medical end, they also had their challenges. They spent a lot of their time and money on trying to get treatment for their son. They trusted their doctors completely, only to discover that certain decisions were made for them, like ending certain treatments and eventually removing the feeding tube when he was no longer responsive.
All these years later he still feels guilty for being too trusting of the doctors and not forceful enough to help his son.I asked him, "If your son were here instead of me, what would he say to you right now? He said, "He would probably cuss me out for not trying harder." I think he would probably say, "I love you Dad for being there with me all those years. For loving me, spending time with me, and for always being the kind and gentle person that you are."
I think that as parents we never feel like we've done enough. Their pain is our pain and if they die before us it feels unnatural and wrong. Our children mean everything to us and no matter how much we love them, it can never make up for the loss and the pain when they are gone. Being a parent, more than any other experience in life exposes you to the deepest love and joy and the deepest pain and fear. Of all the things I've done in my life I am most proud of my kids. They complete me.

Major, my doggy therapist

I just wanted to post a couple pictures of my dog. Major weighs about 90 pounds. He thinks he's human. He also likes to pretend he is a lap dog. We hear a lot these days about distinguishing between our wants and our needs. Major is definitely a need. No matter what I know he loves me unconditionally.

Nurses

Nurses...

are a pain in my rear end.

think they are God's gift to the universe.

can't see past the end of their noses.

think that they are the ONLY ones who do anything for a patient.

treat everyone else like they are annoying little ants that should be SQUISHED....

quickly.

OK. I'll stop now.

The Day I Lost My Voice

"He's dead." I told her. My second grade friend.

Gone.
On an otherwise ordinary day.

The plot thickened and with every word I sealed my fate
and with every wandering of my tongue, her eyes bored into my head as if she was desperately trying to find me in the shadows
or perhaps herself.

A deer, caught in the headlights
seeking connection and feeling shame in the wanting.

Knowing

you can't fill a well that leaks
but finding solace in trying.

When You Hand Your Social Worker an Elephant

Here, take my elephant, she said. I don't want him anymore.

I'm done! I'm tired! (I've heard this before.)

You're the Social Worker she said, You know what to do.

Just give him away. I don't care. I'm through!!

I looked at my friend and said with a sigh.

Your elephant's a doozy. He's a really big guy.

I can't take him away. He's yours to keep.

So leave him outside and get some sleep.

Wherever you go, no matter how far.

Your elephant will find you wherever you are.

We all have elephants, I said with a smile.

They take us on journeys, there's no denial.

The thing to remember, the thing that is true

is that God made this elephant especially for you.

As you live with your elephant and teach him to mind

his strength will become yours and God's love you will find.

So here is your elephant, I'm giving him back.

My love and support you never will lack.