Today

Today I visited a lady who is dying from a disease that is wasting the muscles away in her body. She is close to my age. She told me that she has been mad at God for doing this to her and last week was especially bad. However, today was better and because of that she was apologizing to God. She added that she is really scared to die and isn't ready.

I said, "Have I ever told you why I get up every morning and go to work?" She said, "no". I said, "Because every day I feel how much God loves our patients even when they can't feel it themselves." "And right now, I feel how very much God loves you." "I don't have any answers about why things happen. The only thing I am sure of is that somehow in the end God makes it ok." "I know you are scared but all of us will help you get through it."

I don't talk about my work with people anymore. Most people don't understand what I do and don't really care. That even goes for most of the nurses I work with. For some reason, I needed to hear that today even if it did come from me. I have struggled a lot lately wondering if I make any kind of difference.